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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

A Letter to Lilah (4 1/2 months old)


You're resting like an angel now. You don't like the moment of separation when I peel you from my arms and lay you down in your crib. After some whimpering, you begin to self soothe. It's every bit as hard on me as it is on you. You started saying "mamama" very clearly last week, and it pulls at my heart strings BIG TIME. I know it won't be long until you're saying "Mama" with intention. 

I spoke to you when you were in my tummy as often as I speak to you now. I know you understand me on some level, but I also know you won't remember these days. I'm not sure how far back my memory goes, but I think I vaguely remember some events that happened around my third year of life. I remember my sister being born and giving me a gift from the Toys R Us my mom must have had up in her womb, and I remember Chloe the Clown coming to my third birthday party. Most of my memory is attached to the photos from these events. 

I try to document and preserve much of our time now, and hope you cherish these photos for years to come. I promise you a scrapbook of important events, and the fun daily adventures. Online is just so much easier. Mama doesn't have a crafting desk yet, and I'm so busy cleaning up messes all day, I'd rather not create one in this moment! 

Everyday except Tuesday and Thursday, we wake up when Daddy wakes up. You snuggle and smile with him before he goes to work. 


You've been waking up in our bed every morning, because you still don't sleep through the night yet. I don't mind. You did great last night...went a full 7 hours! When you woke up at 3:30, I just nursed you in our bed and we all slept together after. 

When we get up, we change your diaper, and Mama gets her coffee. You and I watch Doc McStuffins or Sesame Street while Mama wakes up. Sometimes I multi-task if you look interested in the show...I'll check my e-mails, pay some bills, or make some phonecalls. I am so grateful your dad works hard everyday so I don't have to go to MY work everyday, but I want you to know I work hard in the home, too. It takes a lot of time and effort to reduce medical bills, eliminate deposits, change insurance, etc...and I enjoy it. Some parents have to maintain the home AND work full time, and they deserve a badge of honor.

I nurse you again, and then put you down for your morning nap sometime around 8:30. 


Whenever you wake up, you greet me with a huge grin and you are chattin' it up! I scoop you up, kiss you all over, and bring you to the mirror. We play for a couple of minutes, and then go for a walk. We walk everyday. You absolutely love being outside. TODAY was the first time we fed the ducks. You liked squeezing the bread between your hands. You're really into your hands, lately. You like scratching the sheets, and grabbing my hair and face. You like grabbing everything, actually, and trying to put it in your mouth. Between that and the drool, I do believe you're teething, little lady!






A turtle heard through the grapevine about our feeding sesh, and made an appearance.



When we come home, I put you in your Bumbo seat (which you no longer fit in, actually. One leg is always poking out!) and feed you. You're eating 1/2 rice cereal, and 1/2 pureed organic babyfood. Over the past couple weeks, you've had a range of fruits and veggies! Sweet potatoes, apples, pears, bananas, peas, and carrots. It's fun watching you eat. You're still pretty messy. About half of the food makes it in. The doctor says feeding you only serves one purpose, which is speech/motor development. All the nutrition you need still comes from me. I like feeling like we are still interdependent. When I was pregnant with you, I was very aware of our connectedness, and I tap into it everytime we nurse. I dread the day we start weaning...


After eating, we read a couple of books. Your favorites right now are "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and "Brown Bear, Brown Bear." You also really like Fancy Nancy (I think it's the glitter!). 

I nurse you again, and put you down for your next nap. I know you probably hate how often I ask you to sleep, but you are in the best mood when you wake up, and I know sleep is important for you right now. It also will help you sleep through the night...eventually...





When you wake up, I have already eaten my lunch, but I want to make sure you're not hungry. I'll usually let you nurse again. Or a bottle! Then, lately, we have been going to the pool. You LOVE getting in your boat that Binky gave you! And just floating around like you own the place! We are the only two people that go swimming in this apartment complex pool. Literally. It's very nice. We walk on over, help ourselves through the gate, and spend some time playing in the water. The weather is cooling off more now, so I don't know what we'll do in lieu of swimming! I'll figure out something. But I'm sure we will be outside until it gets cold in winter. You love looking at the trees.

You go with me everywhere! We both love the sling. 
Pool-bound

I really wish we had a swing outside. This is on Mama's wishlist. You LOVE the swing at your Binky and Papa John's house. I want to be able to swing with you in our backyard, too.

If we HAVE to run errands, it is in between your naps. And if you get hungry, I don't mind feeding you discreetly. I found this comfy chair at the cafe in Barnes and Noble, and treated myself to a pumpkin cheesecake and pumpkin spice latte. After you nursed, you fell sound asleep in my lap. We just hung out for about 30 minutes. It was blissful. I am very grateful to you for millions of reasons...but one of those reasons, is that you've slowed me down. I usually don't look at a clock, except for your bedtime. I only know what's coming next. You've been like good medicine for me, sweet baby!

When we are outside, we lay out blankets and sit down to talk and play. If I catch you staring at a big tree or a bench, I walk toward it and let you get out to see it. You're very observant, and do a great job of communicating with your thoughtful facial expressions.
(All that, and, ultimately, I get you. We made you. I grew you. I'd say I understand what you want 90% of the time, which is pretty awesome seeing as how we don't speak the same language yet.)

After the pool, or walk, or whatever it is we just did, we come home, and play. You are finally big enough to enjoy this big girl toy! You like it that your feet barely touch the bottom, and you can kind of start to bounce! Your hands and eyes are preoccupied with the toys attached to the tray. You also are entertained by watching the animals. Your favorite is Stella. She is crazy about you.


You also still like this playmat! You can sit alone, but only for about 3 seconds...I never leave you unattended! Soon you'll be sitting all by yourself for extended periods of time. You're growing up so fast!!

We usually read more books, and nurse again if you're hungry. Then you go down for your last nap.

When you wake up, we eat again. You eat "food" twice a day. We eat the same food you ate in the morning, to keep it consistent. We are seeing which foods you tolerate and like! So far, not a big fan of peas. You really liked sweet potatoes. I couldn't tell a difference with the fruit; you were open to all of them. We usually go on another walk, and play some more. Daddy comes home from work, and you get to play with him. If he comes home early enough, he even feeds you sometimes. Then, you're a good girl while Mama and Daddy eat their dinner. Finally, I give you a bath around 7:45. We play in the tub. You love your bath toy. You like kicking and making waves in the tub. You still are in the little carrier you had as a newborn, but I know it won't be long until you're in a floatable ring! Sometimes you try to nurse in the bath, since I'm in there with you. Ask me if I mind. Hehehe.

Not too sure about this baby food business!!!!

Your daddy misses you so much when he works during the day. Someday, you'll understand that he is every bit as important as Mama. Without him, I'd have to leave you everyday, too. Not only does he work hard for us, he also is very loving and attentive. He likes spending time with you! Not many daddies out there are good at providing AND nurturing. But Mama is a smart cookie, and she picked us out a good man. You're welcome.
:)
You just LOVE checkin' us out in the mirror! We spend many minutes throughout the day making faces at eachother. I also love blowing in your neck and making you laugh. YOUR LAUGH is the cutest sound I've ever heard. Ever.

We usually wrap up in a towel together after bathtime. Then I rub you down with lotion, don a new diaper, and get you in your sleepsack.
Another nursing session, and then you're down for the night. Usually that's around 8:15-8:30. After you nurse, I pat your back and stare at you. Many times, tears fill up in my eyes. I've NEVER known a love like this, Lilah Grace. I could stare at you forever. You are absolutely perfect.



My love for you is eternal. It began before I was pregnant, when I was a little girl and used to make believe I was a mommy. I used to dream about having my own babies. You are my dream come true. I loved you before you were born, and I'll love you long after I die. True love like this never dies.

I pray more than I ever have. Even more than when I was young and about to get in trouble, and back then I prayed a lot! Haha. I put my hand over your precious, little head, and ask God to protect you, and bless you with a VERY long, satisfying, fulfilling life. Since I was pregnant, I have affirmed DAILY:

HAPPY
HEALTHY
SMART
KIND

I say these four words like a broken record. I want these attributes for you, and so much more.

In this life, we all wear many hats, and go through many phases and changes, and fulfill many different roles. I'm still very young myself, and already I have been a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend, a student, a flutist, a ballerina, a Farmerette, a sorority girl, a hippy, a volunteer, a nurse, a girlfriend, a feminist, a fiancee, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, a co-worker, and now a mommy. You have been a baby, and a perfect one at that. I am certain with every fiber in my body that no role I've EVER been given is as important as being your mommy. I take no role more seriously. I pray also, asking God that He helps mold me to be the best mom for you, that I can be. You're so deserving.

I love you.

XOXO,
Mama


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